Perhaps your kids are grown and out of the house and it feels as if you’re already all alone anyhow.Īsk yourself: is it best to go about doing what you’re already doing? Do you not want to mess with your financial situation, way of life, or familial traditions? Is THIS enough for you? Does this work and are you not completely unhappy about it? Though if your curious eyeballs are gazing upon this blog, it’s doubtful that is that case.Īre you just clinging to your safe zone, to what feels familiar? Do you want more than a make-believe marriage based on delusion and denial? Do you want a second (or third) chance at love? You could live until ninety for heaven’s sake! You’ve basically become roommates, sexless ships passing in the night, going about your lives as two people meeting your own needs, living your own lives. Sometimes you ask yourself: Wait, am I even married anymore? To whom? I barely know that person and they hardly know me anymore – we just stay in the same place. Maybe you’ve been living separate lives for as long as you can remember. Have you been ‘separated’ under the same roof for years? And if you are not mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready to let go of your spouse, then there is still work that needs doing. It’s true what they say, that marriage is work. You will want to know you tried everything humanly possible to make it work That you didn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.Ī good therapist can help you set clearer boundaries, communicate more effectively and less harshly, and know when to hold em’ and know when to fold em.’ You don’t want to regret a hasty, emotion-fueled divorce. If you still have some love for your spouse, there are many ways to fix your marriage and climb yourselves out of that hole. If you find yourself in a marriage slump, it’s best to cover all the bases first. Even if this particular valley seems deeper and more despondent, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a peak just around the bend, a way back on track. There’s an unwritten rule that says anything said to each other after midnight doesn’t count.Įvery marriage goes through peaks and valleys, ebbs and flows. Though I can’t quote any finite statistic here, I know from experience that sleepy and stressed new parents contemplate divorce at some point during baby’s first year (if only for a little minute). Times of financial stress, teenagers at home, or of sleeplessness when babies come into the picture, are particularly taxing on marriage.
#How to know if you should divorce Patch
Your once awesome connection can seem impossible to get back, and your rough patch seems insurmountable. Petty power struggles can lead to a huge gap in communication and intimacy. If you are even slightly thinking about something as final as divorce, ask yourself some tough questions first. Whatever divorce contemplating conundrum you’ve found yourself in, here are some things to mull over… When is divorce the right answer This conscious uncoupling, Gwyneth Paltrow style, would be the divorce of your dreams (as-if), but it’s rarely the case. Ideally, you are both in the same headspace and both ready for a divorce and new lease on life – together, but separately. You’ve seen the writing on the wall for a long while but just looked the other way, or swept all the uneasiness under the rug. That out of control, helpless feeling can be paralyzing You’re suddenly transformed into a victim of an unwanted fate. When divorce is forced, the shock and devastation can seem like a nightmare from which you can’t awaken. Perhaps you’ve been blindsided by being asked for a divorce by your spouse. Maybe you are eighty percent sure a divorce is exactly what you need, but there’s still that twenty percent that feels there’s still some love left, or that things can be fixed, or that he/she will change their wicked ways. Maybe you’ve just had a blow-out fight, maybe you’ve generally been unhappy for a long time, perhaps you’ve been consistently arguing with never a resolve, maybe your facing infidelity… A lot of things can prompt a person to contemplate the ominous D-word. So, here you are, googling ‘should I get a divorce?’